Untitled

February 28, 2006

In fantastic flashing fantasy,
somewhere inside, frescoes unpainted
from my fingertips of no talent
fist fighting to create,
see this finality
see my fortune falling fast
making this agony something outside
of a failure looking at that mirror.
Forget it, the fear follows,
and finishes me before I start.

*****

I still swim my circles,
stuck in the darkest water.
The blackness eventually gets
inside my heart, making everything hurt
and that crave to drown manifests,
but nothing drops below and fades away.

Everything's sitting on top of that water
and each item is perfectly preserved
to enhance the tenderness and excruciation
all the more, as I float on by each.

If someone were to look,
maybe an image of him
still bouncing around in here,
fuzzy and yet compelling,
despite the pain as it's realized
this image flies away just when
it looks like it might come into focus,
would be seen by more than just me.

Maybe someone else would see
how this dream kept me
and completed me
and hurt me, totally.

But as I sit on top
of this black, buoyant pond
I know there's nothing
but dream, illusion and despair
as company for the eternity
that I drift here.