Closure In The Making

February 24, 2004

I keep reading
signs in the spruce,
omens in a gray sky,
of how to be
with truth
about
how life
has to be.

Sitting on a swing,
dreaming of how
the past is
circling in
a white cloud
way up high,
to close
in on
the future.

Look at future dreams
of our eyes
touching through
a crowd
as large
as that.
Touch, sound,
thought of such,
weakness in me,
my dizzy head
goes wet
with fear
and hope.

It's in my head
and yet not
in pictures
for my mind
to watch,
to see
you there.

Yes, I dream
of a time
much different,
this time,
going there
with hope
I trashed
in the past.

Optimist
Pessimist
Realist
Dreamer
fighting in me
fighting for me
to believe -
to be deceived -
to be crushed.

Or maybe life
isn't this dull
and I'm just
talking myself
out of this
again.

I'll be there,
and I'll face
myself
even if you
are not
going to
see me.

Remember the day
long ago
that you
were here
and my mind
was pulsing
light
and pain
and I wish
for more
than that
this time.

I'll be there with
a throng of people,
sun, desert, heat,
tents, bands,
and lost breath.
I'll look
at the
one that
I have avoided
so far,
as I tried
to keep
this fantasy
safe.

Safe no more.
Whatever
comes up,
I hope
for once
to get
to the
close
of all
of this.