Untitled #2

May 2, 2003

A moment in my life, nothing more,
was the seed of freedom that I missed.
I sat in a dilapidated chair
that fell forward or backward
without giving notice it would do so
at a computer that was quickly outdated.
I was surrounded by stacks and stacks
and stacks of CD-ROM's and videos.
Littered among the stacks was garbage.
Empty bags of fast food, pizza boxes,
and stuff I don't want to think about.
Outside, the snow was thick that winter.
Inside, I was struggling in a winter
I'd created for myself, out of desperation.
I had no idea who I could be.
I had no idea that life did get better.
I was alone and idle, and yet
my thoughts were all my own
for the first time in many years.
I could have taken any path,
but I was stuck in a mire of anger.
I could have done anything,
though I did nothing at all.
I think back at the vertex of that year
as the moment things finally began to change.
My future seemed full of potential
and my past now seemed manageable.
My one wish in life is that I wish
I had seen the gift that I now call
1996.