The Turning Point

June 5, 2003

It was just a cold day
like all other Februaries.
This time I didn't have
my face of survival
I usually wear in the winter.
I wrote, "Do nothing to feel nothing."
But that was a lie.
As the gas came strongly
I was certainly feeling something.
And I felt it alone.
In that moment, I heard
the angry whispers from shadows
say to me, "This is just one more moment.
It will pass like the rest do.
You want better, not nothingness."
So, I kicked the stove,
and shut down the gas.
I threw on my coat.
I walked down to the river.
I still wonder even now,
Am I the only person
who'll ever know how close
it almost was for me?
Or, in secret, perhaps I should ask
Did one other person know about it, too?