From Somewhere Else

July 15, 2003

I'm growing old in my head, tonight.
The first sign of the battle has cracked.
The lightning quick reflexes of my tears
are just slightly ahead of my thoughts.
An image of the someone else runs
down into the bottom of the empty well
that is set like clay within me.
There is a shape, as of octogons,
where something once lived inside me.
In my formative years, something crept in,
sinking into the softness of my core.
I solidified into the substance of Me.
Afterward, that which was inside me
slid right out of me, and disappeared.
I tried many times, many ways
to change myself into softness
and reshape what was inside myself.
It was far too late to change anything.
I spent time trying to fit things
into that hole to fill in the emptiness.
Even now, there is a ton of Stuff
shoved down deep into me,
but nothing fills it properly.
I'm left uncomfortable and irritated.
I'm left with the distinct knowledge
that I will always have that emptiness.
Tonight, I'm battling with the things
forced down the hole, to stay put.
I feel it all coming out of the hole.
I feel the hole filling with tears.
Somewhere, someone is unaware
that I feel anything at all about the loss.
Somewhere, someone doesn't know
just what happened many years ago.
The day I took the shape I'd never hold
and the day I hardened into this.