An Open Letter to the Silent Caller

June 19, 2003

So, the phone rang one more time.
The other end was silent one more time.
I suppose there are reasons you torture yourself.
Should I bother asking why?
My mind has been laid open before you.
I know you have read things that I wrote
in my haste to make myself face my life.
I wrote many things in the first year,
right before I started seeing St. Louis
in different forms and fashions.
You were too seductive, though I knew
you were just a distraction - one I miss...
It's too late to take back what I said
in the entries of revelation.
I have no explanation.
I have just a vast landscape
in my imagination,
where a mirror on a dresser,
where a set of questions weren't answered,
where things were true, year after year -
but I was silent all that time.
I am opening my mouth now.
I am going to put these sensations
on the line for the last time.
If I am right about anything,
then I will know, and start
the long process of evaluation.
If I am completely refuted,
I will know, and start
the long process of closure.